Given the opportunity, I will always wax lyrical, with every superlative under the sun, about the wonders of being not just a dad but a working dad in a profession that is fundamental for the effective functioning of our nation.

Having just celebrated our son’s first birthday, I felt an urge (perhaps a selfish one) to reflect on the year that has been, both for catharsis and in the hope that aspiring and existing fathers in the legal profession may glean something useful from my journey and the anecdotes of fellow practitioners. And, beyond my own purview, there is a broader, professional purpose to reflecting on fathers' roles in law at this juncture.

Dads’ elevated capacity to be caregivers is, in no small part, due to women’s increased participation in the workforce despite the persistent and unequal distribution of unpaid labour. Further, as the Workplace Gender Equality Agency’s (WGEA) latest gender pay gap data makes clear, there remains much work to be done in achieving pay parity, and having more women in senior roles is an ongoing challenge for businesses across the country. Such progress will, hopefully, give working families greater autonomy in making caregiving decisions. Enabling fathers to be working parents (in whatever ways make sense for them and their families) is part of the solution, which this yarn aims to celebrate and role model.

Before I dive in, I note the following:

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1. Seven of my lawyer mates – all of whom have become fathers in recent years – generously gave their time to speak with me about their respective experiences and perspectives. Their views are featured throughout here;
2. In no way does this yarn intend to detract from, or diminish, the monumental burdens and responsibilities taken on by lawyer mums (or mums anywhere, for that matter) – especially following last week’s International Women’s Day;
3. In writing this, I was – and remain – conscious of the many lawyers who have not been able to become parents, through no fault of their own. I acknowledge their suffering and believe that the lessons I’ve learnt this past year (and hereafter listed) are universal and not uniquely attributable to parents in the profession;
4. I also acknowledge step-parents and non-birth carers, whose experiences and journeys are as valid as any other parent; and
5. While I no longer hold a practising certificate, I like to think that my editorial vantage point gives me a reasonable insight into the daily experience of legal professionals – in this case, the working father.

Walking the path already trodden by women

The challenges that dads in law face, Clyde & Co partner Reece Corbett-Wilkins told me, are in many ways the same as what mums go through: that is, balancing priorities and competing demands for your time, managing unanticipated sickness curveballs, grinding through sleep deprivation, needing to communicate with your team and partner, and the need to prioritise health.

Underneath all of this, however, “is this remnant that still exists from generations gone by about the traditional role of a working father”.

“The major barriers have been broken down, but there’s still a sense of dancing around what does modern fatherhood mean as a working professional,” he said.

Thankfully, as a Canberra-based solicitor pointed out, “the first thing that hits you as a new father (who wants to be involved) while maintaining a fulfilling relationship and juggling a demanding job in law is that you are following a well-trodden path, helpfully bushwhacked by women”.

Dads in law are fortunate, if not blessed, to have precedents to follow – and, just as any lawyer worth their salt knows, precedent almost always exists for a good reason.

But for the thoughtful and instructive guidance of my friends and family, including those in legal circles, those early months of fatherhood would have been immeasurably more difficult. And, as a father who not only wanted to be present but also couldn’t care less about longstanding sociosexual norms, I’ve been thrilled to follow that well-trodden path and join the growing cohort of men living up to their familial duties.

Time management

The idea of “managing the juggle” has long been associated with working mums in the profession. Thankfully – and with more law firms offering generous (and genderless) paid parental leave schemes – the juggle now also sits within the realm of men.

Navigating parenthood alongside work commitments, Herbert Smith Freehills senior associate Codie Asimus said, requires much prioritisation, compromise, and open communication – with one’s spouse, clients, and colleagues.

“Having two parents working full-time isn’t easy, and being a good father, husband, and lawyer is a constant balancing act. The biggest challenge for me is a lack of time, but by necessity, I think this means that most working parents have good time management skills,” he said.

“The journey to date has definitely made me a more well-rounded and understanding person – I don’t think you can fully appreciate what it means to be a parent until you experience it first-hand.”

Ramsden Lawyers special counsel Daniel Rod said that upon the birth of his son over a year ago, he reflected on what was important to him and made the conscious decision that family had to take priority.

“This means that I need to plan ahead in order to leave work on time so that I can be there to feed, bathe, play with, and put to bed my little boy whilst spending quality time with him and my wife,” he said.

There are other necessary time-based lessons, too, according to a Sydney-based barrister, who recently had two months at home following the birth of his now-four-month-old.

“I’ve reflected on the amount of time lawyers spend at our jobs and also how stressful it can be,” he said.

“I’m really trying to focus on spending less time at work (being more efficient when I am there) and ensuring that I come home and am fully present (not thinking about work while I’m there).”

Rod agreed, noting that being a lawyer dad means being present, patient, and attentive – things that practitioners often aren’t good at, he added.

This compartmentalisation is something I’ve also learnt to perfect, and almost always involves working from the office. When I’m there (from well before business hours), I’m all in, and I’ve worked harder in the last year than at any point in my life. But, when I leave the office (at 4:00pm, so I can do bath time), I really try to leave work at work. I often fail – but having a clear delineation between home and work, between the personal and professional, is essential for any working dad in law.

Finding the right balance

However, even the best-laid plans to manage one’s time have friction points.

For Hamilton Locke partner Nick Edwards, there is a constant tension in being present for his two sons – aged five and almost one – and helping his wife (who recently returned to her own role as a lawyer), against the pressure to be present at work and available to his staff and colleagues.

“With a relatively young practice, I still feel the need to be very active, to be marketing and working in the trenches with my team. This obviously means time away from my family, and as much as I love the flexibility that phones provide, they are also a source of angst and distraction,” he said.

“It kills me every time my eldest son calls me out on using my phone or not paying attention, but the reality is I need to respond in real time sometimes. It is a constant balancing act.”

Maxiom Injury Lawyers founder and principal Sach Fernando described being a father and lawyer as a “relentless pull between duty and love”.

“I often feel dad guilty for not being present for each key event and grateful to have a wife who steps in without any fuss. Parenting is a team effort, but I know my wife does a great deal more,” he said.

The navigation of such competing interests truly looms large. Having recently been promoted within Momentum Media (Lawyers Weekly’s parent company) and as the manager of multiple teams, I have substantial workplace responsibilities that, thankfully, I enjoy immensely and feel privileged to undertake. But, of course, I am under no illusions that my day-to-day is harder than that of my wife, who not only serves as primary caregiver but also runs her own architectural business.

I will not always get the balance right, but I constantly strive to do so as I see the bigger picture: for my family, my colleagues, and beyond. All working dads in law have this same thought process – all we can do is our best.

Returning to work and financial pressures

As any working parent or caregiver knows, especially in the current economic climate, the need to put food on the table and keep a roof over everyone’s head looms large.

As a Sydney-based barrister told me: “Going back to work was tough, straight away working most days of the week and long days, with the pressure of supporting two mortgages and chambers fees.”

“Now that we have a newborn, it is likely that we will need a bigger place, which again places more financial stress on us, meaning more work and less time at home,” he said.

For Edwards, the pressure of needing to provide can, ironically, help alleviate other concerns. Most working parents, he said, have constant doubts, and many will often feel a sense of failure.

There will always, he said, be an inherent conflict when one has two important roles and one wishes to succeed at both. There will inevitably be times, he continued, “where one role need take priority over the other (even if temporarily) and that can cause doubt, and in the worst case, regret”.

“But for me, I know succeeding as a partner is important for my family, and that allows me to forgive myself at times,” he said.

“Not beating yourself up (at least not too much) is critical to preserving your mental health and happiness. Being a dad has made me a kinder person generally, but also to myself.”

Most legal roles are well-paid ones, thus lessening budgetary constraints relative to non-lawyers. This said, in an age of persistent inflation and exorbitant cost of living, not to mention slow wage growth relative to extortionate house prices, having enough money each week, or month, hits hard for every lawyer parent.

Such realities hammer home the importance of the work that legal professionals undertake and sprinkle additional motivation for one to get up and go to the office (at least three days a week, in the post-pandemic landscape).

Collegiality

Returning to the stigmas about being a dad who is present at home (both self-induced and societal), one thing that Corbett-Wilkins has identified as being helpful is role modelling.

“Since I was the first father to take paid parental leave ever in Clyde & Co’s 100-year history five years ago, I’ve seen more than five young dads in my own team alone take paid parental leave. It’s incredible to see,” he said.

From this, he continued, flows a comradery that otherwise would not have been able to flourish.

“I love being able to have dad chats with those guys and laugh about the silly stuff our kids do. It’s also created a level of trust and relatability between us where we get each other on a deeper level,” he said.

“There’s actually very little opportunity for young dads to have conversations in a safe space and be vulnerable with each other.”

The Canberra-based solicitor supported this: “One benefit to being in the trenches with other newly minted parents who are colleagues or clients is a shared understanding of the joys and challenges which can enhance professional relationships.”

“The realisation that the law is a human-facing profession becomes quite obvious.”

Finding one’s tribe in the profession is as important as ever once parenthood arrives. As someone attuned to scouring my friendship group for advice or direction (so that I can make informed choices), I’ve looked to lean on my professional circle as much as possible to ensure my decision making and perspectives are educated and holistic.

Whether it’s a client of Lawyers Weekly or an old schoolmate blazing a trail in the courtroom, I’ve benefited greatly from a motley collection of dads, all just trying to make it through another 24-hour cycle.

The role and duty of lawyers

The myriad challenges lawyer dads face provide purpose, Fernando proclaimed.

“Every case I take, every fight I win, is for the future of my children,” he said.

“Fatherhood has given me more than I ever expected – it has taught me to prioritise, to cherish time, and to be present when it matters most. It has made me a better lawyer, one who understands loss, sacrifice, and resilience as I represent those whose lives have turned upside down due to personal injuries.”

Fatherhood has, Fernando went on, “made me a better advocate, knowing the importance of compensation to provide for one’s family”.

Being a parent, Edwards opined, makes one truly appreciate the concept and presence of a just and fair society – one in which every child should have opportunities.

“Every child, when born has limitless potential, and you want to ensure there are opportunities for them to embrace. Clearly, lawyers are critical to ensuring this is the case within our society. I wouldn’t necessarily say I contribute to that given my speciality of insolvency and restructuring, but I do appreciate the role many lawyers play and am grateful,” he said.

Fatherhood, Corbett-Wilkins said, is a primal feeling.

Suddenly, he said, “you aren’t responsible for just your own wellbeing anymore. Everything comes back to a higher-order purpose, putting their wellbeing above yours. In a lot of ways, this is what being a lawyer is all about, a real sense of guardianship or custodianship.”

“As lawyers, we may not realise just how influential our conduct can be on others around us, but fatherhood has definitely reaffirmed the power of role modelling,” he said.

Rod is also adamant about role modelling: “I need to instil in him a sense of what we call ‘chinuch’, which is a sense of righteousness and an understanding of what is right from wrong.”

“Similarly, our tradition teaches us – nay, commands us – ‘Tzedek Tzedek Tirduff’, which is to say, -Justice’! Justice you shall pursue. Interestingly, the word in Hebrew for justice is the same root for the word for charity. This is to say that, in guiding my son and future children, they must understand that justice involves social justice and helping others,” he said.

In the last decade, I’ve spoken on stages to hundreds if not thousands of lawyers about what I see as the inextricable link between one’s sense of service as a lawyer and the duty for self-care. For me, law is – at its core – an altruistic profession, serving clients and courts as an integral cog in the machine of society.

Fatherhood, as any dad in law knows, broadens that impulse to serve – it doesn’t dilute one’s capacity to do so, but indeed, expands it, and strengthens the capability to be of service, be it a vulnerable client in need or a distressed newborn.

Being of service in such ways is no cross to bear; it is an honour.

Lessons learnt, and final word

Everything I’ve written here is, of course, easier said than done. Being a parent (in any profession) is bloody hard. And, as I’ve learnt, there are only so many hours in the day – for legal practitioners, working longer than nine-to-five, there are even fewer – and on occasion, we have to be OK with not achieving, or doing, everything.

As a type-A personality, whose mental health has long suffered because of perfectionist tendencies, this was a surprisingly easy lesson to grasp once I became a dad. Mostly because I had no other choice but to accept that, some days, I would completely and utterly fail to be productive.

As the Canberra-based solicitor recounted, Justice Louise Taylor of the ACT Supreme Court – the first Indigenous woman to be appointed to a Supreme Court in Australia – once offered an analogy that stuck with him.

Paraphrasing Her Honour, he said: “Imagine all the things you are juggling in life are divided by importance into rubber (less important) and glass (more important) balls. The goal, of course, is to keep all the balls in the air, but if you slip and need to drop a ball, ensure it’s not a glass one.”

Life as a legal professional is undoubtedly an important vocation, one in which persons across the spectrum rely on their practitioners – sometimes, with their livelihoods. However, for a parent, that duty is superseded by the responsibility of childrearing.

Rod noted that he often finds himself looking at his son with enormous pride and gratitude and catches himself thinking, “How lucky am I that I have the privilege to be your father?”

Fatherhood has, since the moment my son arrived in the world one year ago, been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Yes, there are hurdles, which often seem insurmountable. However, the visceral joy and pleasure that being a dad brings not only makes one a better person but also a better legal professional. My experience, and that of my friends, proves this.