“I’ve always been interested in the field of sexuality and relationships sort of as a subset of personal development work, and I’m a bit of a personal development junkie, always have been. So, I think that having engaged with that kind of content, following people online who work in the space, reading books, listening to podcasts, it’s always been an area of fascination for me, and I studied psychology in high school,” she said.

“Last year, as I started to look at what else was available to me, and I definitely went through the motions of do I go in-house, do I go into banking, these things that were probably more adjacent to private practice law, but none of that really excited me, and I wanted to be excited if I was going to make this big jump.

“I wanted to be excited by what I was going towards, even if it was a bit terrifying. And so, sex and relationship coaching was where I got to in terms of a career path that excited me, that would give me that sense of meaning and impact while being still really intellectually stimulating, fascinating to me.”

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Ms Rigg added that some of her skills as a corporate lawyer have actually been transferrable to her current role – namely, having high emotional intelligence and the ability to read people.

“You can draw upon those skills, being attuned to other people, reading the room well, those sorts of skills, holding space, I think is certainly an asset as a lawyer.

“I think that even though it’s been quite dramatic, that it has been a long and winding road. I think that everything that you experience, whether that’s work-related or otherwise, equips you with tools, with skills, with knowledge that arms you going forward,” she said.

“I think that it’s easy to fall into this sort of sunk-cost thinking of if I change careers now, it’s all going to be a waste, but I definitely don’t agree with that, and I think that it’s cumulative, and it’s all part of what you are uniquely equipped to bring to whatever you do next. And so, I think the combination of my skill sets is a unique selling point for me and is a real asset.”

Day-to-day, Ms Rigg explores others’ sexuality and relationships to see where they may be holding back or “not showing up authentically”.

“Coaching is really focused on thriving and desire and what you want to create in your life. And so, when I work with clients, that is, the starting point is trying to articulate a really clear desire of what do you want to create in your life, and then seeing what might be holding you back, why you’re not already there, why aren’t you having that experience,” she added.

“And it’s funny, despite being a sex and relationship coach, the coverage in a session, often we end up talking about work and career and money or family. These things don’t exist in a vacuum. So, the way that you do anything is the way you do everything. And so, the way you’re showing up in one area of your life, there’s a really good chance that similar blocks are holding you back elsewhere.”

There are a number of personal or environmental factors that could have a detrimental effect on one’s relationships or sexual experiences – particularly focused on different areas and levels of stress.

“It’s huge, and it’s something that I talk about a lot in my work, both sort of online, but also with clients is the role of stress in your sex life, in your relationships really can’t be overstated. There’s a lot of wisdom in the way that the body responds to stress, but the way that we live is really problematic because it means that we are chronically in that state,” Ms Rigg added.

“To break that down a little bit, when my body is triggered or we’re experiencing a stress response, what’s happening there is we perceive a threat, our body sends out this whole cocktail of physiological responses. So, we’re getting heart rate pumping, blood rushing, sweating, tingling, shortened breath, all of those tell-tale signs of a stress response, knotted stomach, and that’s because your body is mobilising to deal with this threat.

“But I think that experientially, most people can relate to stress impacting their sex life or their relationships. We know that that’s problematic. We know that that’s harmful. And so, one of the most beneficial things that you can do is to really look at your stress levels, and I think the problem is particularly in the legal profession, as we know, a level of chronic stress is normalised, if not worn as a badge of honour a lot of the time.” 

Many issues and everyday stressors have only been amplified by the after-effects of the pandemic, according to Ms Rigg.

“We are living in times that are inherently uncertain. And so, I think if you are someone who experiences that perfectionism or displays some of those traits, being kind to yourself and validating that this is a pretty wild time, and so it’s understandable that you’re maybe feeling a little wobbly as a result of that, or maybe a lot wobbly. So, I think that being compassionate towards yourself is important,” she explained.

“I think it’s just … it is being really deliberate and mindful of knowing what keeps you feeling balanced, centred, and prioritising that because it comes at such a cost to neglect these things and to just let yourself be locked in that state of high stress.”

And in terms of how lawyers can manage these stressors and their own relationships day-to-day, Ms Rigg said those in the legal profession should try not to “fill every moment with mental clutter” and concluded with some valuable advice.

“A huge amount of the work that I do with clients is around cultivating conscious awareness of your somatic reality, meaning if someone is experiencing fear or stress or anxiety, where is that living in your body, what are the sensations associated with your emotional experience or your belief because all of the latest research in this area points very clearly to the fact that these experiences live in our body.

“I think we’re very used to intellectualising everything, to analysing ourselves, and for these things to become very cerebral, but if you aren’t bringing your body along for the ride, it’s just not going to work,” she said.

“That might sound a bit abstract, but it’s huge. It is hugely transformative, and it allows you to interrupt patterns and cycles and to catch them before you get swept away in a moment of trigger or fear. It sort of allows you to spot it and pause. It’s that moment of pause before you react to something and all of a sudden, you create the space to choose, and that’s really huge.”

The transcript of this podcast episode was slightly edited for publishing purposes. To listen to the full conversation with Stephanie Rigg, click below: