Some people love it and are natural at it. They seem, however, to be a minority.

Yet, we know that the relationships we build through networking are critical, not just for professional growth but for personal wellbeing, too.

Funny enough, though, no one ever told me how to network or when I should do it. For me, it meant a lot of trial and error – more than a fair bit of error, I might add. They could have told me, perhaps, that it’s also supposed to be more about the other person than me!

Over the years, building a network of people from all walks of life has been invaluable – not just for business referrals, but as sounding boards. People with expertise I could tap into – my “go-to” people.

A long list of “phone a friend” contacts has saved my skin more times than I care to admit. Just having someone I respect professionally validate my views on something has been an important resource.

More than anything, I’ve realised that having people know me – know who I am, what I do, and what my values are – has made a huge difference in my career. Ironically, some of the best professional contacts I’ve made through networking have ended up as lifelong friends.

Engaging with people, putting yourself out there, and being open to unexpected opportunities can truly set the foundation for long-term success. It’s about being proactive, building connections, and seeing where those interactions can lead. You never know where an unexpected opportunity might take you.

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All of this is hard work, though, and for most of us, it does not come naturally.

Here’s a confession – I still dislike networking. I dislike doing it. Dislike with emphasis.

However, I know it’s essential, even when things are busy at work and other priorities are screaming for my attention. Someone once gave me some sage advice – “Keep networking and building relationships even when you don’t have time.” They were spot on.

There will be times when you’re doing it and wondering, where is this all going? My advice – keep on keeping on – remain persistent.

Another piece of sage advice I got also holds true – “The people who say they’ll send work your way rarely do, and the people you least expect to, often will.” It’s funny how that works, but I’ve had the most awkward, difficult, and verging-on-eccentric conversations at networking events, heavily relieved when finishing with them, only to have those people refer work to me just days later.

The moral of the above story is – don’t judge people too much, too soon, especially in situations where strangers are meeting strangers. Conversely, sometimes, you end up having fulfilling, empathetic conversations with total strangers who, within minutes, feel like old friends.

Here’s what I’ve learnt about networking – firstly, everyone in the room is there for the same reason. It’s almost like speed dating (or so I’m told!). That simple fact should take the edge off any initial anxiety. Next, and for goodness’ sake, please don’t look desperate, don’t make it all about you alone, and absolutely do not treat it like dating!

Focus on genuinely learning about the other person. Build a mental “index card” of who they are, what they do, and how they might be useful to you – or your network – down the line. Even more importantly, think about how you can help this person you’re meeting for the first time.

Again, as I keep repeating, it’s not all about you.

Oh, and try to remember not to drink too much at these events. Networking functions often make you want to drink, but it’s not a great idea. Stay sober, for everyone’s benefit.

Meet. Greet. Connect. Listen. Learn. That’s what it’s all about.

Starting my own business forced me to get better at networking. My earlier attempts were more than a bit amateurish – maybe even a bit desperate sounding – but over time, I realised it was all about relationship building.

It’s also certainly not about how many business cards you hand out.

I still remember those early days of starting my business – the sheer number of coffees I had every day, just getting myself out there, marketing myself face to face. I say face to face as I still don’t believe virtual networking is quite the same in impact. The pandemic made it necessary, sure, and it’s convenient now, but there’s nothing like shaking hands, looking people in the eye, and actively listening to really connect and to build that connection. For me, business relationships are, therefore, best built in person.

Networking, brand building, marketing oneself, and knowing and selling your value are among the most important skills a professional can have. They help you stand out, communicate your unique value, and build lasting connections that will shape your career in unexpected ways.

So, enjoy and do as much networking as you can – it’s an essential tool for both your personal and professional life – one that will reward you hopefully in many ways.

Paul Ippolito is a high-performance coach, consultant, and speaker.