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‘Feeling of failure as a woman’: Why there is stigma around pregnancy loss, infertility
To mark Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Month 2022 in October, a senior professional has shared why she believes there is stigma around these issues and how workplaces could support employees suffering from loss and trauma.
Malavika Santhebennur
NB: This story may be distressing or triggering for some readers. Discretion is advised.
On top of this, there is a lack of sharing and speaking about this because “there is a feeling of failure as a woman”, she added.
Around 110,000 Australians have a miscarriage every year, while 2,200 experience stillbirth, 600 lose their baby in the first 28 days after birth, and many more endure termination for medical reasons.
Ms Thompson and a panel of speakers will address these issues at the Women in Law Forum next month and exchange ideas on how workplaces could introduce policies that provide guidance and support for employees navigating trauma and loss.
Ms Thompson is no stranger to enduring infertility and pregnancy loss herself, having previously recounted to Lawyers Weekly that she has experienced infertility, multiple miscarriages, and multiple rounds of IVF.
The termination of one of her pregnancies at 13 weeks caused Ms Thompson to lose a significant amount of blood, and she had to undergo an emergency hysterectomy.
Musing on the reasons for stigma around these issues, Ms Thompson said: “Along with this feeling that you’ve failed as a woman, there is also a sense of pregnancy loss not being seen as a ‘real’ loss compared to losing a living loved one.
“So, it almost feels like your feelings of grief are unworthy.”
Ms Thompson said she appreciates that sharing such personal and traumatic experiences is not something everyone would feel comfortable with and acknowledged that it took her a significant amount of time to share her own stories.
“But for me, personally, once I did, it felt like some of the weight had been lifted. I realised that there is strength in being vulnerable,” she said.
“I share my story with the aim of allowing other women who are experiencing this to not feel so alone. If hearing my story helps them in any way, it makes it worthwhile. It may sound strange, but helping other women has helped me with my grief and healing journey.”
Ms Thompson began a podcast last year called Heartache to Hope, with the aim of not only providing other women with an avenue to share their experiences but also eliminating stigma by changing the narrative around infertility and pregnancy loss.
“Having these conversations and sharing experiences will make us and others feel like the feelings we experience are valid,” Ms Thompson said.
Met with kindness in the workplace
While she experienced trauma and loss, Ms Thompson simultaneously juggled a full-time job in the legal profession.
She expressed gratitude for being in a flexible and supportive workplace, but noted she did not initially share what she was going through with her colleagues.
“When I experienced my initial miscarriages (one of which initially started at work), no one really knew what I was going through,” she said.
“When I started IVF and had a number of cycles, I did let those I worked closest with know. But it was only after my emergency hysterectomy, where I needed six weeks off work, that I shared my journey to that point.
“This was met with a lot of support and kindness. I was able to have the time off I need without fear of career loss or judgement.”
Family planning shouldn’t impact career
When asked how the legal profession and other workplaces could better support women experiencing pregnancy loss and infertility, Ms Thompson said some firms have been taking steps to implement formal policies and structures in place.
She noted that changes to the Fair Work Act in 2021 that added miscarriage to the compassionate and bereavement leave entitlement and provided employees who experience miscarriage with two days of paid bereavement leave helps, and commended Pink Elephants chief executive Samantha Payne for her advocacy work around this.
“But we still have a long way to go,” she said.
Ms Thompson encouraged workplaces to implement policies on their own volition to provide support, including more leave, formal education programs and awareness training (particularly to provide mental health support for those experiencing emotional and psychological trauma).
She concluded that it is “fundamentally important” to embed a culture that does not allow pregnancy and family planning matters to impede a woman’s career.
To hear more from Anita Thompson about how sharing stories could destigmatise pregnancy loss and infertility and how workplaces could support employees facing loss, come along to the Women in Law Forum 2022.
It will be held on 24 November at Grand Hyatt Melbourne.
To book your tickets and secure a spot, click here.
For more information, including agenda and speakers, click here.
Support for those experiencing early pregnancy loss can be found through organisations such as the Pink Elephants Support Network, Bears of Hope and SANDS.
