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Post-admission depression: A reflection
We have all heard about different kinds of depression, and coming from someone who has a double whammy diagnosis of anxiety AND depression (how fortunate!), I also experienced depression of a unique kind, which I like to call “post-law grad admission depression”, writes anonymous.
Anonymous
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“Post-law grad admission depression”, you say? Let’s keep it real for a moment, I felt it. I was admitted in September of last year to the Victorian court as a lawyer. A 23-year-old kid who finally got the golden pass, the ticket into the big wide world of law.
What no one told me about was the lingering sense of, “OH SH*T, I JUST GOT ADMITTED, NOW WHAT?!” that would accompany the admission.
I feel the remnants of this blackish mood now, but not at the time; in fact, at the time, I didn’t really feel anything. I was numb.
A roller-coaster of never-ending studying, community volunteering and burnt-out energy from doing life led me to a point last year, nearly exactly a year ago, where I was admitted “on the papers” as a Victorian lawyer and barely blinked, or said, “yippee”, because I was in fact exhausted, so exhausted I didn’t appreciate the hard work and dedication it took to get there.
I write this with the hope I can be reassured I am not alone.
I had my first foray into the legal world as a junior lawyer at the beginning of this year, and what a fantastic experience it was. It was one I would never forget because it was straight in, all in and diving into an area of law that I never imagined myself practising: defendant insurance law with a respected national firm.
I was ready to approach my new lawyer gig with the right mindset of hardworking and resilience, but still, the lingering depression and tiredness that accompanies being depressed tainted my work.
I was praised for my hardworking attitude and given helpful guidance on how to better my practical lawyer skills, but still, I felt numb. Was it the post-law grad depression seeping back in?
So, I asked myself, how can I make this work more meaningful? (Because in hard times, I try to find meaning). And I couldn’t answer myself because my brain was fried eggs. Scrambled!
Flash forward to now, I am on a break of sorts to recalibrate, reset and revive myself.
I now spend my days writing, drawing, op-shopping and even trying to cook.
I feel more human now. More human that I am ready to shrug off the depression of being a forever hardworking student and ready to rise as an emerging young professional — legal or not.
This piece was written by an anonymous young lawyer.
